Sunday, June 12, 2011

To "C" or not to "C"

Another Deep Perspective from a super pregnant woman... and worth the read again!
~One of the first and lingering possibilities of this pregnancy that I can't seem to get away from is the horrible, the awful, the unimaginable lingering possibility of ( I dare say it???) it's the "C" word, that horrible word that many pregnant women dread...a C-Section.

(Insert Scream Here). j/k ;)

~Yes, there is the 50% chance (if not, much higher % chance) that I could have a C-Section. Do I want a C-Section....I'd prefer to pass, but if Baby A (closest baby to the birth canal) isn't head down.... or if something goes wrong and one or both babies or even my own health is in danger, I may have no choice but to have a C-Section. This is something that immediately terrified me once I found out we were expecting twins...."please, no....not a C-Section!!!!" But it didn't take long for me to realize that like most things in my life I HAVE NO CONTROL over this pending situation, I just have to sit, wait and pray that I get these two girls here safe and sound...and if a C-Section is required to do so.... so be it....personally I am so grateful that there is even another option... just in case.

~I love all the well meaning friends, family and strangers that throw their input in on this "C" word matter. They all feel inclined to share their opinions. Unfortunately, most are extremely negative. I am so tired of the horror stories about C-Sections. As if scaring me enough will prevent me from having to have a C-Section.

~Then they have to stress to me on every level how and why I can't have a C-section. "Tell your Doctor, that you just WILL NOT have a C-section." "Find a Doctor, that whatever happens, will not let it result in a C-section." And the list continues. When I try to give them a little more perspective on what all the possibilities of a C-Section with twins are... like for instance that it is humanly impossible to deliver a baby back first, and that you may be able to flip a breech baby around before delivery (I was breech and was flipped) but you can't flip a baby when there are two... they look at me like I am about to jump off a cliff... and repeat to me again all the reasons I can't have a C-Section (as if I didn't hear them the first time). I usually let the conversation die at that point...just because it's not worth the fight. But I have wondered if these people will look at me as some sort of failure in the case that I do have a C-Section. Will they look down on me? Will they feel like I have given into the dark side? Will I be kicked out the Vaginal Delivery Club??? (Sorry...I had to throw that last one in there). ;)

As I have reflected on this pending situation... it comes right down to one thing...another "C" word...."Control".

~I am a self-diagnosed control freak...I love to plan EVERYTHING! I love to control EVERYTHING!!! And like everything else in my life...I would love to control whether or not I have a C-Section....but it is not for me to control. Heavenly Father has taught me this lesson very clearly over the past few years...I am not in control! If I was, my husband would not be going blind, he would not be out of a job, I would have all our student loans paid off, Oprah would buy my business and give me 10% royalties for the rest of my life, I would be living in my dream house. I would have had a personal trainer well before this pregnancy. I will have a flawless pregnancy, perfect delivery and two beautiful, healthy girls that sleep on command and spend the rest of their time laughing and being perfectly pleasant.

Reality Check....HOW BORING WOULD THAT BE???

~It would be so boring... life would be so have nothing to do but live the life you expected. Imagine reading a book or watching a movie, where you knew everything that would happen next. Imagine there is no conflict, struggle or problems in this book/movie... my bet is that after the first 10 pages/minutes you would stop reading/watching it because there would be no plot. Hence the reason my second "C" word "Control", it is so over rated.

~Now to finish....I will introduce my third "C" word...(okay so it doesn't start with a "C" but stick with me here) It is "Seeing". Some people say "Seeing is believing." That may be true in many instances but I have found the opposite to be more true..."Believing is Seeing". What??? Another beautiful lesson that Heavenly Father has taught me is to Believe and then I will See things from His perspective. And this is hard....very hard. I was prompted to start my little shop, so I did, I just believed that it was what Heavenly Father wanted me to do....why? I didn't know at the time, but I am starting to see it now (a year a half later). I started my shop with $38, and I had no idea at the time that I had created an income and career for my husband and myself now. Even though it would have been nice to see that my investment (which was quite the sacrifice at the time) would result in an answer to our prayers, I'm grateful for all the stress, sweat, tears and prayers that it took in order for me to "See". I learned from this experience how important it is to Believe first and then you will See! I learned that Heavenly Father sees everything....and will only help us to see if we just trust him enough to give up our useless urge to "Control" and just Believe.

~My whole shop could die tomorrow, and we could go bankrupt. But I'm so glad I can't see that...because I Believe that Heavenly Father gave us these situations to teach us how to Believe and eventually how to See! And for the first time in my life I can really See what seeing is all about!

~So to see or not to see, to control or not to control, to have a C-Section or not to have a C-Section...they are all in one odd way the same. And I choose to Believe that whatever Heavenly Father gives me is the best for me. So despite any drama, or suspense I am Believing that the kind of a book or movie my life will end up being, is worth well worth Seeing!


Katy said...

I can so relate to this! My boys were both head down forever and then flipped one at a time to breech position a month or so before they were born. We kept praying they would flip around again (I really wanted to try a vaginal birth), but our first priority was getting them here safely and if that involved a c-section, bring it on!

The c-section itself wasn't a bad experience at all. I ended up with a skin infection afterwards which they were worried about so they put me back in the hospital twice, but physically I felt fine. Turns out the treatment they had me on was making it worse. But I was at greater risk for those kinds of complications because I'm diabetic. Minus the annoying skin infection the c-section itself was not bad at all. The recovery wasn't that bad either, definitely didn't take 2 or 3 weeks.

Sounds like you are having some great insights and know that you aren't alone in the experience! I can so relate to much of what you said. Good for you for being committed to getting your little ones here safely, regardless of the method. And I totally agree, I too am grateful there are alternatives to vaginal birth when the need arises!

The Goldthorpe Family said...

Don't let the horror stories scare you. I hated the idea of a c-section when I was pregnant with Bailee and we ended up having to do an emergency c-section. The only I think about is, "whatever will bring the baby into this world healthy." If you can deliver vaginally, great! If not, that's how life goes. At least your girls will be delivered healthy. I'm so excited for you, (don't know if you knew but I have a twin sister.) Being a twin is so fun and you will love having them!

Mrs. Sassy Crafter said...

Don't be scared of a C-section (I've had two) just look things on the bright side: you won't feel the pain of labor and contractions and all that. True, the recovery is slower, but you will be fine....I love what you said about "believing is seeing"....have a great night!!!!

Brittany Rigby said...

My mom had five c-sections and it doesn't seem like that big of a deal. C-sections are a great option on getting those little girls here safe. I hope everything goes as smoothly as possible for your pregnancy and I really enjoy reading your insights.You are becoming what Heavenly Father wants you to become. He is molding you and that is a wonderful gift. We have a Father in Heaven who loves us enough to help us become something spectacular rather than just ordinary.

Skyler and Aubrey said...

Krista, c-sections are awesome! Hope that helps :) (I had one so you can be in my club)

Heidi said...

Krista, that was an incredibly deep, profound, and inspiring post. Thank you for sharing. You got me thinking about things I need to realize in my own life. So happy I checked your blog today!You are an amazing woman!

Jacob and Krista Flamm said...

Thanks for all the uplifting does make it a lot easier to know that c-sections are as bad a many make them out to be! ;)

Sarah d' said...

As one who just went through the ole' slice and dice a month ago, it's not something I would sign up for with a big grin on my face. However. . . as a recovering perfectionist who loved natural childbirth because I got to be in charge of the experience, my four c-sections are moments I treasure because of how they forced me to modify my relationship with the way I tried to "own" my life. I had to learn to LET GO--to let go of my ideal recovery; to let go of my need to be completely self-sufficient; to let go of the way I wanted my body to look. But mostly I had to LET GO in order to let the Lord and other people IN. I had been so protective of my self-image and of my need to avoid fear (and, of course I still struggle with that), and the c-sections took me out of the driver's seat. I had to accept help when I had never really needed any before. I had to come head to head with one of my greatest fears so that I could learn that the Lord would take care of me--I had to accept the fact that I didn't need to (and shouldn't) always take care of myself. And apparently I need to learn those lessons. . . FOUR times just to make sure that I was getting it. :)
And maybe you won't have to have a c-section. Either way, the Lord can be in charge so that you don't have to. You can just let go and enjoy the ride.
You're awesome. I love the way you express yourself and I appreciate you sharing!

Traci said...

I loved your post. I hope things work out ideally for you!

Also, having seen firsthand some of the training of a doctor, it is my firm belief that doctor's know what they're doing and they have your best interest in mind. So trust them. If having a C-section means you end up with two healthy baby girls, then I think it's a wonderful option!

Andrea said...

This is a beautiful post. Thank you for sharing what you have learned and reminding me to trust in the Lord. You are such an amazing person and I truly admire you!