Friday, May 13, 2011

"I'm glad it's you...not me."

Being pregnant is just one of those times that you expect people to comment, say congrats or even give advice. But there is definitely something different about being pregger with twins...people just feel the urge to say something....some are super excited well wishers, some have loads of questions, others express shock, and some are just brutally honest. It's only been a few weeks since we've started telling people we were expecting twins and already some of the 'honest' comments are starting to rub me the wrong way. Truth be told...sometimes honesty is not always the best policy. I understand that the truly honest may be pure in their intentions...but let's think about it for just a minute before we start speaking.

-I never expected to get pregnant (not for another year or so, at least) and I definitely never expected to be pregnant with twins.... but it happened. At first I was really anxious about it, and then as the idea settled in I started to get excited about the whole idea. And considering all that my little family has been was nice to have a pleasant surprise for once. However, when the 'honest' comment: "I'm glad that it's you...not me." comes up a few dozen gets a little old. Umm....what am I suppose to say to that??? Are you implying that you aren't excited or happy for me? Are you making the blunt suggestion that you like the idea that I have to suffer and not you? Are you saying that expecting twins is some sort of misfortune that you are happy to avoid? If that is the case...why didn't you say that to me when you found out about Jacob's eye diagnosis, or our job loss? ....I'm sure that many people thought that with all our misfortunes.

(Not trying to be rude here....just making a point so stick with me.)

-I will be the first to admit that unfortunately the thought "I'm glad it's not me" has crossed my mind when I think about people having twins, or those who are experiencing some sort of trial....but I would never in my right mind say it....just because of what it implies. Twins are not a burden....they are a blessing! Sure the morning sickness is twice as bad, the weight gain, back pain, swelling and risks are doubled. Trust me...I know that there will be plenty of super busy days, sleepless nights, stress and tears once they get here.... but such are all of life's blessings...and mine just happen to be doubled!

-Even though this comment gets under my skin, it has lead me to do a lot of reflection....again I understand that the people saying this are just being honest....but humor me while I be honest. -

-When we found out about Jacob's eyesight I never once said or thought...."I'm glad it's you...not me." As a matter of fact I wished it was me....WHY??? For starters it breaks my heart to watch someone I love so much go through this and there is nothing I can do for him...but on the flip side....if we switched places and I was the one going blind it would be just as heart breaking for him to watch me go through. Which is worse the worrying or the suffering? Truth be told.... both are bad, but the best part is that we have each other to help each other get through it, and we all know that that which does not kill us only makes us stronger. So Jacob and I will only be blessed through our why not look at it as a blessing to begin with? Trials are heart wrenching... and there are many that trials I honestly hope I will never have to endure.... but I hope I never catch myself saying or even thinking...."I'm glad it's you... not me." No one wishes trials on anyone...and if you have some serious things to think about.

-Just like trials, babies are some of Heaven's greatest gifts...and sometimes they come in bulk.
... So to the next 'honest' person who says.... "I'm glad it's you... not me." I'm so glad it's me too.... it is such a huge compliment that Heavenly Father would entrust me with two blessings at the same time!"


Kacie said...

What a great way to think of it twins would be hard but with all hard things comes great rewards. Plus how nice would it be to have 2 babies at once, only one pregnancy. I personally would take that right now and be done:) I'll have to remember that honesty sometimes is not the best policy:) I usually just got asked if I was having twins because I got huge ha and I hated that question.

Heidi said...

Good for you! and congrats by the way. Do you remember Katy Cullen? She just had twins and you might enjoy some of her insight:
Good luck with everything!

Genevieve said...

peoples honesty kills me sometimes. i would love to have twins! congrats again!!

Rachel said...

With how great you look as a pregnant lady (from what I've seen in pictures), people probably will be surprised when they find out you're having twins. For me it was the other way around, people sometimes asked me if there were twins in there because my belly stuck out sooooo far! :)

Hang in there with the blunt, rude comments. Some people just don't always have the best tact and it makes it ten times harder when you're pregnant because of the hormone upheaval and emotions. My least favorite comments that were said to me included "You look like you're going to EXPLODE!" and similar comments.

I think it's awesome you're having twins and I know you and Jacob will be just right for the job! You are great parents. :)

Aleisha said...

hehe you should say that next time. "I'm glad it's me and not you too...." and leave it at that and see what they think of that!!! haha! No, your too nice for that, but it's kinda funny.

Summer Mortensen said...

I love this post Krista! I'm so glad that you are straight forward and let people know how it is, it's just one of the many qualities that i love about you! I'm so excited for you guys, and like you said, even though it's "double the everything", it's such a blessing also!! I mean, two darling newborns at the same time?? How amazing! (By the way, It was so good to see you the other day too!)

Sarah d' said...

This was insightful and so well articulated, Krista! I'm going to be honest and say I AM SO JEALOUS! I always wanted twins! This last pregnancy was twice (if not three or four) times harder than usual and I would have loved to get two babies out of it. But, you're right. Any baby is a blessing, no matter what the price. Thanks for your example! I am so thrilled that those babies get to have YOU for a mother!